One thing I have learned from my first year teaching, is there will always be successes and failures. Almost every day there will be things I am SO excited about, or students I am SO proud of. Meanwhile, these same days I will experience serious frustration with students based on issues from behavior, not trying and giving up, or just overall inability to see others viewpoints, including mine.
Let's start with some examples:
Typically I'm not sarcastic with my students, like ever. But yesterday one of my kids just needed it. One of my students, I will call him the complainer for the purposes of this example. A student was called to go home early and my procedure for this is to have my two messengers (classroom jobs) take the student who is going home to the office. The complainer called out crying that he was messenger last week (one of the class jobs) and did not get to do anything. I just simply replied but saying, "well, I'm sorry that no one went home early last week." He then said, "well, it's not fair Ms. Rogovin. I should get to do my job." I was just overly or had to go to the office or anything last week. He didn't have anything to say to that. But the one thing I have learned from my first year teaching, is there will always be successes and failures. Almost every day there will be things I am SO excited about, or students I am SO proud of. Meanwhile, these same days I will experience serious frustration with students based on issues from behavior, not trying and giving up, or just overall inability to see others viewpoints, including mine.
Let's start with some examples:
Typically I'm not sarcastic with my students, like ever. But yesterday one of my kids just needed it. One of my students, I will call him the complainer for the purposes of this example. A student was called to go home early and my procedure for this is to have my two messengers (classroom jobs) take the student who is going home to the office. The complainer called out crying that he was messenger last week (one of the class jobs) and did not get to do anything. I just simply replied but saying, "well, I'm sorry that no one went home early last week." He then said, "well, it's not fair Ms. Rogovin. I should get to do my job." I was just over oint is, kids just complain about everything. Especially this one, but many of mine do.. which brings me to my next point.
I came to my school excited to teach a population of students whom seem to be similar to my childhood. The students are in a very well-off neighborhood in terms of financial status. Previously in college, my internship experiences were in very low SES areas, so coming to this school I was excited. I understand now why teachers choose to teach in low income schools. Of my 19 homeroom students (down to 19 because one left, that's another story), 11 students have an iPad or tablet that they bring to school each day. Some of them only bring them on certain days of the week, per parent request, but think about that percentage. I have watched most of these kids literally throw their tablet on the ground or almost step on it, or even just lose it in their desk (because its stuck between books and notebooks). I personally get frustrated with their serious lack of responsibility. I guess I tend to forget that they are 8 and 9. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE the BYOD (bring your own device) policy that my school has, and think it can be very rewarding educationally, but I do worry about how easily these kids are to drop and possibly break their devices.
Let's move to this post theme: successes and failures. Just this month here are a list of successes:
Successes:
Student growth on assessments, behavior break through with two students, students writing me notes they wrote at home about how much they are happy that I am their teacher, hugs from my students, every student mastering the concept of the day, FCAT class finally making progress, tutoring groups starting to achieve closer to grade level, students respecting me, finally catching up on making copies, getting lesson plans done the day before they are due, mapping out the next week days in advance, spending only 15 minutes after the school day in the building AND bringing NOTHING home, initiating a race at recess and of my 39 students only 5 beating me (fitness success for myself, but hey, it's a success!), and I could go on and on….
However, with all success comes failure. And that I have to recognize.
Failures:
You can be a pro on classroom management, but each class dynamics affect the style and even with two classes of 3rd graders, I have to know they need different things from me as their teacher; realizing some students may never fully understand the concept that you spent 2 hours teaching in class, 30 minutes teaching in intervention, and 30 more minutes teaching in tutoring, realizing that you cannot reach them all (you can try, but some kids come to 3rd grade so far below grade level that they may not make it to 3rd grade level by the end of the year), and probably the failure I believe to be the worst is the fact that I had a student leave my class the week before spring break.
More into this, this student, whom I have been working with in RtI for MONTHS left the school. I can't take full blame, because she does have two teachers, but the fact that she was in my homeroom really affected me. She was probably one of my favorite students (which doesn't help the situation), but she was one of my lowest students and we were making such amazing break throughs and progress with her. On Monday, we met with her mom about her progress in school. Although she has progressed, her latest test scores still show her at risk for failing the FCAT. Since 3rd grade is the year students are retained for failing the reading FCAT (mind you I don't teach reading this year), we HAD to give her mom a possible retention notice. This letter that her mom had to sign basically stated that it is possible that if your child does not make significant gains, they may be at risk for not passing the FCAT, which in turn would hold them back in the 3rd grade. The mom seemed to understand and was not upset and did not even ask too many questions about it. Then on Wednesday, two days later, I get the call that this was going to be that students last day. Maybe it's just because I'm such a sensitive person, but I literally started bawling. I was so upset. I could not believe that mom would pull her from our school this late in the year, thinking that another school would help her in a month and half before the FCAT. The first couple days were rough. I just was shocked, angry, and upset. I honestly don't think another teacher this late is going to help her child.
After that situation, things did get better. I was happy to have only 19 students in my homeroom. One less kid makes a big difference in my mind. I had an extra desk and was able to move it to give myself more space and room to organize my things.
Then, after spring break we got a new student! Not in my homeroom, but my other class. So now I have 20 in the other class and 19 in mine, therefore making me put the desk back because I now need 20 out. I really like the new student because she is sweet, quiet, and hardworking. She does her work right away, it's almost amazing to see because my other students are so reluctant lately.
Overall, I am still happy with my career. I just have to remember there will always be successes and failures in teaching. And in life. I think that is something I am just coming to terms with. I have always feared failure and even resenting it, blocking it out if it actually happened. Now, I have to recognize it and embrace it. I am learning from my mistakes. I am learning from my challenging experiences, both small and large. I enjoy being at work, and I think that is what keeps me going.
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